Scattered thoughts today; sorry for that.
Things are status quo, as they have been for the last 8 weeks; Jack is growing, the tumour is growing, but Jack's heart shows no sign of distress or strain. I am very grateful for this, and I thank God for this. But every Thursday at around noon, I ask myself the same questions over and over again: is this the week where something goes wrong? Is this the week that the tumour has become too large for Jack to manage? Is this the week where he needs to be born so that the tumour can be removed? And so far so good, it hasn't been the week. And hopefully not next week, or the week after that.
We met with a couple of neonatologists this time around. They are the doctors who work in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) at HSC. The place where Jack will be taken as soon as he is born so that they can commence the various tests needed to find out how best to tackle the tumour. I keep thinking that if more doctors are added to Operation Himp Removal that we would get some answers to our never ending questions. But they don't have answers for us either. And so we wait. Again.
About the tumour. We found out that it is not a tumour (insert your Arnold imitation here). The doctors are quite certain that it is an arterio-veinous malformation (to be called AVM from here on in). And since it is not a tumour, it is not cancerous. So good news in that sense. Now it's a whole other bunch of things to worry about. Now it appears that one of the NICU docs thinks that a vaginal birth is more possible than a c-section. And Jack may be able to leave the NICU if surgery doesn't happen right away. Or he'll have to stay in the NICU if the surgery doesn't happen right away. Or this. Maybe that. Possibly this. Perhaps that. Too many scenarios to take in at once. So many ifs, ands, or buts. So much uncertainty. Enough with it already. Give us some answers to our questions. Tell us that Jack will have surgery a few days after he is born, recover quickly, and then we can all go home TOGETHER, a family of four. Tell us that our boy 's little heart will not be damaged because of the (insert expletive here) AVM.
But at least we are another day closer to seeing our boy, so we have to cling to that, and try not to let the negatives get the best of us (starting tomorrow, of course).
J-L
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Bleh for what ifs and maybes and uncertainty. We're still praying that this himp will magically disappear and all those myriad of doctors will say, "Huh. Didn't see that coming." And Jack will be called a medical miracle and his testimony will set the world on fire for the power of God.
So okay, God, let's get a move on then. I think I'll just sit here and put at the throne till I get my way.
What Krista said.
SIL Sue
Hey - I just did a google search using the words "arterio-veinous malformation inutero" and guess what was the top site in the list!!! This blog!!! So cool. And then a little further down I found this website which helped me know a little more of the stuff that must be going through your minds. http://aplasticcentral.com/avm/
Go, Jack, go!
as always, thinking of and praying for all of you.
The not knowing must be so hard. I pray for peace for you all, that passes all understanding.
Linda
I know all about uncertainty. My advice to you is this..."Be Still." God will carry you and little Jack through this! Enjoy each and every kick and nudge! I will be praying for you!
Post a Comment