I wasn't going to post this one, I was going to save it for myself and for J-L because sometimes I feel as though I come on here only to whine and other than the bleepin' tumour our life is just so very, very good. But then I asked my sister-in-law and her exact words were (I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her): Transparent is good, whether it's all roses and sunshine or not. And there are many of us who care desperately about how you are, on a day to day basis. Fuel for prayers is not a bad thing.
I'm weary of the unknown. It feels like a large portion of our life is unknown from now until a long time after Jack is born. Here is a list of the unknown:
- can the tumour latch onto his spine or other internal organs
- how big his tumour will get
- if he'll suffer any consequences from the surgery (other than a scar)
- what exactly the tumour is
- when I'll deliver
- whether I'll deliver vaginally or by c-section
- where I'll deliver (there's now a wee bit of talk of sending me to another city)
- whether I'll make it to 40 weeks
- whether he'll live
- will we get to hold him after he is born
- will I be able to breast feed
- when his surgery will be
But there IS one thing we do know. To quote a song that has pretty much incessantly been running through my head for weeks now:
We can laugh and we can cry
And never see the strong hand of love hidden in the shadows
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1 Samuel 7:12 Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto hath the Lord helped us.
6 comments:
Elisabeth Elliot's mantra, or one of them:
"Underneath are the everlasting arms."
Quote me any time :)
I am one of the ones who 'cares desperately about how you are'. We want to pray, because there is so little else we can do. This helps us to do so, honestly and earnestly.
I think that it's really good to have that "outlet" for your feelings/emotions/thoughts/prayer requests....there are so many people who want to be able to pray and support you!!! Thinking of you and your family and of little baby jack!!! Be blessed.
I have never once thought of any of your posts as being whiney. Thank you for sharing from your heart and giving us a glimpse of what's going on in your livess.
That's a lot of unknowns. And some of them have sub-unknowns, like "and if... then..." You're right about the one known. Don't know how I could make it through without the One Known. One Solid. Only Sure Thing. I like the honesty.
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